Funny how people skirt around the subject of you when talking to me. Those ‘shut up’ glances being exchanged, the elbowing of the seatmate, the nervous laugh and then the sudden change in topic, usually something random but happy in an effort to make me smile and ignore the slip of the tongue.
I don’t ask them to. It’s just their good-natured intention, I guess. Their way of saying that they care, that they don’t want to hurt me by reminding me of you.
But… I do want to know the joke you said during that party. I do want to know what color suitcase you bought for your trip. I do want to hear what you said to our friends when you said goodbye.
I want to know so that I won’t be up tonight thinking about it.
Kinimkim mo kasi, kaya ngayon mas nasasaktan ka. Lahat nung sakit na dapat nalabas na noon e tinago mo sa puso mo. Over time nagmultiply, dumami hanggang sa hindi na kinaya ng puso mo at ngayon bumigay na yung dam.
You left. You moved to a different city, twice, and found new people to be with. You somehow also found a way to forget so that when your sister recalls a certain story and asks you ‘Do you remember that time when…’, you immediately say you don’t and dismiss the story, partly because you don’t want to and partly because you really have forgotten it. You have convinced yourself that you wake up to a different sunrise, fall asleep under a different set of stars, and that the moon that watches over you is not the same as the one you left behind.
Me:So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
Guy Friend:What's his name?
Me:I don't know. Frank?
Me:Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
Guy Friend:I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
Me:...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
Guy Friend:Do I have any money?
Me:Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
Guy Friend:Duh, I buy him lunch.
Me:Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
Guy Friend:Nah, it's cool.
Me:Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
Guy Friend:What five bucks?
Me:Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
Guy Friend:What? Why would I--
Me:I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
Guy Friend:Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
Me:I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
One time when Sirius was helping out with Mrs. Potter’s baking she asked him to stir the batter and he replied with a “sure, Mom” and almost dropped the bowl as he realised what he said. But then James sneaked up behind him to try and stick his finger in the batter and Mrs. Potter slapped at his hand and complained about her messy sons, and Sirius just beamed
Oh my god I was walking through Win Dixie today because I wanted some chips and salsa and some guy walked up to me and said “You know, girls like you look hotter when they smile.” And because I’m sick, my voice is like 6 octaves lower than usual I just looked him straight in the eyes and said “What the fuck makes you think I’m a girl?” And no shit the guy was like “SHIT, NO HOMO MAN.” and ran off I’m so proud of myself.