Nakakasawang ikaw yung extra person sa grupo
Yung parating OP sa usapan
Yung tatanungin kung okay ka lang kapag di ka kumikibo
I’d rather be alone, thank you very much.
If you are the subject of one of my blog entries, it means you are important to me. You have touched my life in ways I cannot make you understand but I try so I blog about you. Whether I complain about you or I write a whole song of adoration about you, once you’re here, it means you matter to me.
Sinong mag-aakala na ito pala ang tanong na pinakamahirap sagutin?
Ayoko nang magsinungaling kapag sinasabi kong ‘okay lang’ kasi alam ko namang ang sarili ko lang rin ang niloloko ko.
Ayoko rin namang sabihing ‘hindi ako okay’ kasi una parang ang bastos. Ang saya saya ng kasama mo tapos sasabihin mong di ka okay. E di nagkahawahawaan na. Pangalawa, ang hirap magexplain ng mga bagay. Ikukuwento mo pa yung backstory tapos ipapaliwanag mo kung bakit ka naaapektuhan. Hassle.
Kaya pinipili ko na lang ang mas madaling sagot. Yung una. Kasi mas konti ang risk. Mas safe.
Okay lang ba ako?
I used to think the world of you.
You were fearless and unpredictable. You hated joining the bandwagon which makes you unique. You believed in mermaids and the world coming into a zombie apocalypse. You loved color, and it made me think maybe that’s why you easily can put it in my life with your words of encouragement.
I used to defend you.
I did everything to cheer you up when you were in one of your mood swings. I can’t tell jokes to save my life, but I’d crack one up to save yours, even if I wasn’t so sure it would be all that funny. I did what I was good at - being your best friend.
I used to love you.
I loved your wild hair even if other people hated it. I loved that you taught me how to play billiards. I loved that you love your sisters, even if you constantly complain about them. I loved how you can be a gentleman and not be a sexist.
I used to feel the warmth of your smile, the butterflies in my stomach when you say I’m beautiful, or the tingles in my head when I hear your laugh.
I used to, but now I can’t.
I can’t make you the center of my world anymore. I can’t defend you because I know now that you were wrong. I can’t love you because I know you can’t love me back.
I can’t because I don’t want to.
At ngayon nagbabalik ka.
ahihihi. salamat po XD
I shouldn’t be doing this but I can’t help it. I’m a writer. I write about anything and everything, especially these things, these charged moments of me being human.
You have been asking people why I’ve grown cold. You say that I have changed. You wonder why I keep avoiding you, why I stare at the floor whenever I pass by you along the corridor, why I don’t give you hugs anymore, and why my smiles don’t seem to reach my eyes. You seem confused about something so obvious and so simple.
I am not going to blame you for anything because the blame game has never benefited anyone in the history of mankind. Wars are not fought and won by pointing fingers. They are won by strategy and sacrifices.
Consider this my sacrifice. Losing something is not easy but it has to happen. Remember that it was also you who said that losing a friend is inevitable in your situation. I sacrificed a great deal and you had to give me up. You had to choose and I understand the decision you have made. What I don’t understand now is why you are asking questions you already know the answer to. My dear, it was you who chose those answers.
Consider this my strategy. I am not like you. I cannot pretend that nothing happened and that all our lives did not change. I cannot close my eyes and be numb to the slaps of reality that hit me every time I see you. What I can do is accept things and I have done just that. I can only feel the hurt, the pain, and the heartbreak, but I assure you that I do not fear them, not anymore because feeling does not mean being afraid, but rather being braver than ever.
I have kept my distance because I have nothing more to gain. What else would I benefit in by fighting for a lost cause? The only love worth fighting for is one that you could win. That is just how things are.
I will not ask forgiveness for not giving you the attention you want or you feel you deserve. I have already given my last act of friendship by letting the both of you be. Haven’t you thought yourself when the difficult situation arose? Why can’t I do the same?
I need to let go so please stop dragging me back to the issue I have already turned my back on.
Believe me, my dear. If you were me, you would be wanting the same.